Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Indians continue to throw their money at a failed religion.

I stopped following cricket after the allegations by Manoj Prabhakar. I was a teenager then and cricket was religion that was followed in theory and practice but in spite of the cover-up by BCCI (The Board of Control for Cricket in India) and the media, where they managed to successfully paint the whistle blower (Prabhakar) as the bad guy, my gut instinct told me something rotten was going on underneath it all. Fifteen years hence, I'm glad I haven't wasted my adult life being a victim of a global scam. Cricket followers might as well be watching WWWF -> WWF -> WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment), at least they make no bones about their matches being fixed.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me again, shame on me. Sadly for crores of Indians, the shame is on them. Predictably, many of them will continue to pour their money and energy into this "sport."

Just in case the crowds don't return to cricket, India's politicians can step in and play a positive role in helping the aam janta (common folk) understand how the game is played. After all, an IPL team is just like a political party, albeit with a catchier name. Still the political parties and teams could benefit from each other.

Instead of lame names like Congress, BJP, JD, RJD, MNS, SP, BSP etc. sexier emblems and names like Chargers, Royals, Warriors, Kings, Daredevils etc. should be used to attract the youth demographic, something the political parties are sorely missing.

Every once in a while the teams get on the pitch and entertain the crowds with an artful performance of mock rivalry, while backstage they share wine and women in the after-party. This is the same way the political parties contest the polls. But political rallies are usually boring and tend to attract unemployed and faltu (useless) people. To get the hardworking and responsible citizens of our nation to bunk school and call in sick to work, political parties can deploy cheerleaders (only Sonia will be allowed to import foreign ones) and replace mustached goons with clean shaven hunks for crowd control. Instead of distributing free liquor and food out of the back of a truck, politicians should hire professional event managers to throw an after-party to end all after-parties.

In return, politicians can help soothe the inflamed public by instructing the investigating authorities to immediately freeze all investigation, revoke all allegations and provide a clean chit to this "sport." This should be followed by passing a law that declares Cricket to be an officially recognized religion in India. As soon as this is done, it will be easy to push in an amendment that classifies match-fixing allegations as blasphemy and punishable by the death penalty.

Finally, I propose political parties tie-up with various sects of this newly formed religion (e.g. Congress-Daredevils, BJP-Warriors etc.) thus buying themselves immunity from all sin (real or perceived) and official recognition of their Supreme reign over the billion+ disciples.


Media References: None required.*
*Note: The reader should realize that majority of the media companies that provides news coverage and help shape public opinion get their revenue from the same corporate sponsors that have billions at stake in the game of cricket. The same media companies also have a stake in sport channels. There is unimaginable amounts of money, indeed entire livelihoods, at stake and hence all stops will be pulled to keep this charade afloat. Readers are encouraged to use their common sense, add 2 + 2, and arrive at their own conclusion.

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